It has been two years!

I used to think that anniversary is a big thing, which requires the man to craft out something utterly romantic for the wife and the whole ambiance of that night must be nothing short from romantic. But now 2 years into my domestic marriage *grins*, I have to say, my married life is nothing near to being romantic.

Everything in my life is so routine and reaching a point of mundane. Every morning starts off with JD calling for me to play with him. And then everything is a rush for time. Rush to shower and get ready. Rush to play with JD. Rush to babysitter's place. Rush to work. Rush around workplace. Rush for lunch / tea / dinner. Rush for errands to be done. Rush for datelines to be met. Rush for phone calls. Rush the suppliers. Rush the customers. Then night falls and then rush back to pick JD up from babysitter's. Rush JD home. Rush to get all the water, milk powder & bottles ready for JD. Rush to change JD to pjs. Rush to shower. Rush to have supper. Rush to attempt to put JD to sleep. Finally when JD sleeps, I rush to sleep.

Seriously this IS my life. Whether you like it or not, or you think it's exciting or not, this is how I live my life. I can't say my Hubby's better coz he has another similar set of routine life, which I shall not go detailed into.

Okay, look at me. I'm 27 which is supposed to be the age where most ladies are very well sought after. Where most ladies at my current age, even though single, but are very established in their career. Savings account is a million times larger than mine, which is narrowly near zero. Some fancy cars they are capable of buying. Some great looking bags which I can only yearn and dream of, but never come close to owning. Or they have become some high flyers, travelling or travelled to many countries and major cities.

What am I doing??? (note: Go back to the previous 2 paragraphs)

Am I happy now, after two years?

OKay, I shall be honest here. These two years weren't all roses around. We don't do the ultimate romantic gestures. We are simpletons with a simple life. We work hard to make ends meet. Sometimes, I fight with him. SOmetimes he gives me the cold shoulder shrug to brush confrontations away, simply becomes, sometimes, it is pretty tiring.

Admist all the tiredness, routine-ness, simpleness and bickerness, I still find this not so romantic marriage so romantic. It is a reality that nothing is perfect. What we see during courtship and what we get during marriage IS different. I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking that everything ends with a fairy tale of happily ever after.

I once read, marriage is the beginning of life. The type of life you can never picture yourself having and sometimes, the type of life in which the decisions you will make then, you can never imagine yourself making when you are single.

Marriage is a very powerful link. It's the link between the ideals and reality. It is the link between your flaws and your strengths. It is the major link, for one to be a better person. We learn to compromise. We learn to love with a compassionate heart. We learn to make decisions involving both of us. We learn to think for each other. We learn to re-prioritise our life to make each other the no. 1. We learn to reach out for each other for support strength and growth.

We mature together.

And with this right person that I have chosen to spend my life with, I have to admit, I have learnt a lot more from him in regards of patience. Honestly I do not know if I have anything good to impart to him, yet he still chooses to love me with all his heart.

To the times where we fight and cry, I hope there weren't any scars left behind. I hope there weren't any statements burst out in the fit of an anger, in which I earnestly do not mean. But as humans, we err, and we lose control. To that I say, Sweetie, I am sorry for being such an ignorant naive and spoilt little brat.

With 2 years of our life together and more, I can only say I will always love you. And I look forward in us growing old together.

See, I don't need a romantic gesture. If we are loving to each other, EVERYDAY is romantic enough. If we always have thoughts for each other, EVERYDAY is precious.

Muaks!

Happy 2 years Anniversary!

Coming to Terms with the past

It's funny that I woke up one day, with a mere stupid thought lingering in my head that I should come clean with my own past. Not that I need to move on for anything in particular, but it was a personal mission to have myself deal with certain issues that I have procrastinated of not dealing with, or have dealt with it in a wrong way.

SO I started reviewing my life like a drama, pausing at certain important milestones of the years. Who I have met? What happened? How did I deal with it? Did I handle it right?

Times I find my current self shaking her own head, looking back at home she used to handle things and people. Times and again, I find my current self, being slightly short of being ashamed of how she used to behave. Times and again, I find my current self asking, what on earth was she thinking in the past???

And then it struck me.

Times, now, when we think we are right in making certain decisions to certain people. Times, now, we think we are so dead right with no faults like taxes and that the decision we make is absolutely correct. Times like such, with time moving on and years passed, and when we look back it became a timeless piece of shitty revelation that some decisions weren't made correctly or anything near right.

Slightly losing my own mind here.

Anyway, the bliss of me coming to terms with my own past is that, I know now, that I am the only silly person lugging onto the past like a baggage, while a lot of people have already moved on. Then once in a while, I have a little surprise that I have managed to leave an impression on some people from the past, that they still remember fondly of me now.

Especially when both of us remember a particular silly statement involving 2 words- 'beautiful' and 'eyes', and having both of us burst into laughter at our past.

Now that is what I can friendships really last through time.

Huge sigh!

Not that some drastic has happened to me, this is basically an emo me talking. It has been a while since I have the time to be ultra emo, let alone blog about it. So it sort of caught me by surprise, today, as I was reading through a whole truck loads of whole emails.

To start of why I was going through my old emails. I was initially competing with an old friend from secondary school, to see how many of our correspondent emails are still in our inbox. So the whole 'competition' began with me flipping through those old mails, digging out my friend's name and then showing it back.

Along the way I got distracted with a couple of other mails from different recipients. Majority of whom I still keep in contact with, but a percentage of whom I have stopped writing.

And times in the past I thought I knew better and understood the situation well turned out pretty much in contrast.

I thought the fault wasn't on me back then, but why is it that as I am reading through and re-analysing the mails, I figured that I indeed deserved to be reprimanded.

A whole series of complications and frustrations. Is it true, that decisions or thoughts I made now, will definitely be different in years to come?

If so, then how am I to know if the decision I make now is rightful in years to come too?

I wish upon a wishing star

of heading for a relaxing holiday with my little one and his daddy.

But with every available holidays on the calendar, it is either spent with my family or in-laws. How to make time for us?

Money Not Enough

I wish I have a 5-figure salary to support all my WANTS below.

Like, I want this particular house 2.5 storey semi-detached house in this particular rising residential area, that I can overlook the flaws of it not being closed community but that I simply love the house.

Like, I want to have a total of 4 kids - nicknamed Peanut (who's JD now btw), Doughnut, Cashew nut & Pistachio but it is frightening to know that even with one kid now the expenses are ceiling high, so I can't imagine if I do have four kids, what extra jobs I need to have to make ends meet.

Like, I want this brand new stroller for JD from Graco simply because it looks nicer and lighter, and more importantly I am a sucker for branded.

Like, how I want to have my future brand new house with interior designed themes simply because I am BAD at decorating a place and I wouldn't want to ruin my future new house.

Like, I want to have a luxurious weekend breakaway in some super uber 5-star hotel / resort with personalised maids waiting on me TV and JD / future kids.

Like, I want to have driver chauffeuring me to work so that I do not need to bother about the stress in traffic jams / errant drivers.

Like, I want to work only PART-time and the rest of my available time to rest / nurture JD / become some siew-lai-lai (rich man's wife).

Like, I want to have the crazy 6 and above figure savings in my bank, reserved plainly for my kids, and another set of 5-6 figure savings for myself.

Possible kah?